hhhmmm.... ya this is going to be my own personal journal from now on.... i mean thats what this site was created for anywats right? The only issue with journals and I is that I never remeber to write in them or im never really " in the mood". Thats been my issue actually for a while now. I mean I have like 6 hand written journals finished page by page but I guess thoses were all written from my emotional years. lol I use to journal becuase I felt like i had no one there to talk to ..... but now I have jesus and have built my relationship strong with him..... o how I love my lord! honestly he is #1 in my life and always will be! but lately I havent been craving his voice, his prescence or HIM as much as andrews! i mean I'll be on facebook ALL DAY if I have too just to talk to Andrew ( becuase I cant txt him anymore cause I got my phone taken away!) and when he never get on Im like bored and depressed and thirsty and hungry for him! I SHOULD BE LIKE THAT MORE WITH CHRIST! I mean seriously! I think that the reason that I crave for andrew so much IS because I DO talk and spend time with him ( even if its just mentallay and emotionally) on him! so if I spent more time talking and studying and just hanging with God 3x more than I do andrew i think it will be more balanced! thats what i want sooo bad! but its like it seems soo hard sitting write here to start that process! honestly im just lazy i dont want to have to get up and do anything but talk to andrew! wich is ridculously NO OK because i dont feel like that towards God! I mean I kinda do but then again i dont! When im talking to God and when im in is presences thats the only real time that im not thinking and thats when my heart is pounding FOR ANDREW! whats my deal!

I went to the zoo with kate today and had an amazing time!!!!!! lol we took TONS of pictures!!! I MEAN SERIOUSLY! lol it was soo awesome and then sunday ( mothers day) after church were going to six flags.... u know what else is horrible? Im really only excited now for sunday and _TAG becuase i get to see andrew.... well actuall ywith _tag theres still the I WANT TO MEET GOD esscence but not with church! lol I mean I feel no other purpose going to church except for seeing andrew and going to dicipleship group with Jen and christina!!!!!! well i mean idk!!! ahg i dont want andrew to turn out to look liek the bad guy and I wish that i could just feel like everything im doing and everything that I am is all right and that im not off track but I cant! maybe that means I really am doing fine because I do feel this way!!! I mean k i dont want to walk aways from this spot and still feel cooped up in my own little mind and heart... GOD KNOWS EVERYTHING! I have NOTHING to myself.... but do I really even want anything to myself!?!?!? I mean come on ELIZABETH RAMSDELll...... ME! Im living proof that u will go NO WHERE and u will be NO ONE unless God is with you........